It's been a very, very long while since I've written a review, and I figure that it's about time that I got a significant post in this bitch. So here's what I got: a review of the sci-fi action film Looper.
The year is the not too distant future, which we will call F(x). Even farther in the future, which we will call F(y), time travel is real, but illegal. When the mafia of F(y) want someone dead, they send the victim back in time to F(x) to be killed by specialists called Loopers. Enter Joe, played by a makeup and SFX laden Joseph Gordon-Levitt, your average Looper. He's good at what he does. But one day, the target sent back in time for him to eliminate is the older, future version of himself, embodied by none other than Bruce Willis. Young Joe fails to kill old Joe, and old Joe escapes, much to the dismay of the mafia of F(x). Shenanigans ensue, including young Joe chilling out on a farm with Emily Blunt while trying to stop old Joe, who is on a mission to find and kill the F(x) iteration of F(y)'s most feared and mysterious crime lord, known only as the Rainmaker.
The concept of the movie is pretty damn cool, and feels like it should have been a Philip K Dick novel (he is responsible for other sci fi gems like Blade Runner, Minority Report, and A Scanner Darkly). The filmmakers execute it in a believable fashion without throwing too much time travel mumbo jumbo and brain warping paradoxes into the mix. The futuristic elements are pretty low key (some speeder bikes, futuristic-ish guns, but nothing over the top like Minority Report), which I think was a smart decision, as they don't distract from the core elements of the movie.
Speaking of distracting the viewer from the movie: JGL's makeup. The filmmakers wanted Gordon-Levitt to look as much like Willis as possible, so they gave him a serious makeover - sculpting his forehead, his chin, his nose, reworking his eyebrows, and giving him contact lenses. The end result? Making Sr. Gordon-Levitt look wack as shit. There is one shot in particular that made my friend Brian and I burst out laughing when JGL looked straight into the camera with a look of concern. Physical resemblances aside, my boy Joseph NAILED his Willis impersonations - he managed to pick up and believably reproduce Willis' facial expressions, mannerisms, and even some of his speech patterns, down to Willis' quiet, wry, and understated coolness that in retrospect is really hard to describe in a review but is instantly recognizable on screen.
The rest of the cast does a solid job of holding up their end of the work without doing anything stellar, except for the little whippersnapper who plays Sid, who is only a further reminder that intelligent little children are fucking Terrifying. There's some cool cinematography, a few gratuitous boobs, and one scene of shockingly well executed CGI.
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Rating System
1 Inu - This Inu was deprived of oxygen in the womb. He has no redeeming characteristics at all, and makes Human Centipede look like Silence of the Lambs. It's unfortunate he was ever brought into this world, and for your sake you should simply ignore him so that he'll eventually die alone, and the people who breed him will stop trying to make a meager paycheck at the box office and go slit their wrists with a bread knife.
2 Inus - While certainly not nearly as bad as his deformed and retarded 1 Inu brother, this Inu is still one of the runts of the litter. Ultimately it is not redeemable, but it may have some qualities that make a few moments enjoyable, or at least tolerable.
3 Inus - This Inu makes par. It certainly doesn't exceed any standards, but it does not fail them either. To the average moviegoer, this Inu will be passable, perhaps even enjoyable most of the time, but in the end it still lacks the character and charisma to make it past the preliminary screenings at the dog show.
4 Inus - This Inu comes from the cream of the crop. It stands out as a truly great Inu, and has far more fans than critics. It may have a few minor flaws, but there is very little tarnish on its shiny coat.
5 Inus - This Inu has Courage Wolf lick his balls clean while eating panda meat off of the Kardashian sisters. This Inu ascends above and beyond all his canine compatriots, and stands out as an undeniable gold standard in the cinema community.
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Verdict: 4 Inus
I would absolutely go see this movie again in theaters, and look forward to its release on DVD. I recommend y'all see it while it's still on the silver screen.
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