Dear Modern Warfare 2,
This is probably the hardest letter that I have ever had to write. Our relationship has been both one of the best and one of the worst that I have ever had. We have laughed, cried, and screamed for the past year. However, I think that it’s finally time that I pull myself away from your bitter, cold grip you black hearted slut.
Before we began seeing each other I had been keeping an eye on your online dating profile. You promised me the world. You appeared to be funny, smart, fun and you swore you weighed 120 pounds and were 22 years old. Of course, as we both know now, that turned out to be a horrible lie. When I met you at that internet café for the first time you were nowhere near what I had expected. You were 243 pounds, 37 years old, had a lazy eye and a speech impediment. Luckily for you, and maybe for both of us, I am not shallow and got to know you more than just your main story. Your main story, who you really were, was one of the biggest let downs that I can remember. You seemed to be thrown together and filled with cheesy action movie clichés and didn’t even attempt to be as deep and meaningful as you had promised. However, I thought what the hell I might as well get to know you a little bit better, and for awhile, I was surprised and maybe even in love with you.
Your special ops mode was better than your main story by a long shot, after spending a few hours with you playing these modes I began to see more of your redeeming qualities. There will probably be nothing like running from waves of juggernauts with Regenfall, trying to get to one of your cheap hiding spots where the bad guys couldn’t see me. I should have realized then how fucked up you were, but I was blinded by my animal lust for you.
Then I found out who you really were. Your multiplayer mode defined you. Sure it was great for awhile, until a few problems starting popping up, first it was the javelin glitch, I could have lived with that. Then you told me that you had been cheating on me with other people and contracted both the care package glitch and the 1887 glitch. This should have been the last straw, but I just couldn’t get over you that easily.
Sure, I had been flirting with Bioshock 2. She was cute and different in a great way, but she was bossy and had a lot of Little Sisters which she insisted that I look after all of the time. After a brief encounter with Dragon Age, she just didn’t do it for me; I came back to you once more. You had been telling me that you had changed, that your viruses had been fixed and you were even going to get a boob job which would help to Stimulate our relationship. So I thought what the hell ill come back and play around with this new “Stimulus Package” you were offering and for awhile everything was great. However, quickly to novelty of these “improvements” wore off. Sure it was great for awhile, but come on who makes their ex pay for their boob job?
So I left and I found the warm, simple embrace of another right around the corner. Red Dead Redemption was one of the most amazing women I have met in some time. She was simple, gorgeous and made me feel like a man. Yet somehow I left all of her great attributes behind to come back to you. Once again I returned for another new upgrade, this time a face lift. The Resurgence of our relationship was great for a bit, but the facelift didn’t last long and I grew tired of you stealing my life away from me.
Now I am finally going to be free of you, I gave you one last weekend and how did you repay me? You made me fight all of your other boyfriends who happened to be cheating bastards. I loved you and respected you for who you were. They took advantage of your emotional problems and used them for their own benefits. It doesn’t matter, I’m going to leave you to the cheaters, you deserve them and they deserve you. You are probably my greatest love, and greatest heartbreak since Fallout 3. She was perfect in every way. I waited on her hand and foot, I even collected all of the bobble heads and magazines she left laying around after yet another kegger that left her waking up across the city. She was amazing, until that cold hearted bitch broke my heart too by telling me she was moving to Vegas and never coming back. Game over.
I have given you more time than any other multiplayer game ever. You introduced me to some great people and brought this clan to new heights, but we are done. I am moving on to Halo Reach. Is she a rebound girl friend? Possibly, but she is lookin pretty good right about now and in no time your new hotter sister, Black Ops, is going to be hitting the store shelves and I’ll undoubtedly be having another love affair with her in a few short months. I want you to know that I’ll always love you and cherish the memories that we have had together, but I never want to speak to you again you skanky slut whore. I want you to know that I don’t only speak for myself, but also for Regenfall, we are never gonna run a train on your skanky ass again. Goodbye Modern Warfare 2, I will never forget you.
Love,
Ranvier
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