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You may have heard the sh*t storm that this game has had since it's inception back in 1996. Wait what? 1996? If you haven't been connected to the pulse of the video game history or you weren't completely out of diapers yet or had gotten your first pubic hair. This game had started development in 1996 and the storm descends and it all goes black. Four studios later this,...Duke Nukem Forever finally comes out.
Duke is back to fight aliens in the only way Duke knows, by kicking ass. He is a brash, egotistical bad ass mutha. Really I don't know how to describe the way he acts cuz the meter of crazy doesn't go that high. He likes beer, steroids and stomping alien guts, Oh! and titty bars. I,...just don't know where to start.
Story. Aliens have invaded Earth again upon the guise of signing a treaty. This time they are stealing all the women to impregnate them with their alien spawn. Duke, like I said, likes titties and this ain't happening on his watch. That's your motivation, now action!
For an FPS this game is the standard fair and has the memorable weapons for those you have played Duke Nukem 3D. Three barreled machine gun (the ripper), RPG, pipe bombs, trip-mines, freeze ray, shrink ray and the holoduke. Beer makes you resistant to damage and steroids make you stupid strong (one fist kills). The gun play is satisfying for what it is, an over the top, blow sh*t up fest. The levels are some of the most confusing and some of the dumbest I've played in a long time. One minute you are fighting though a casino, then the next you are shrunk and driving back though said casino in a little RC car. Bat shit insanity. Worst. water. levels. ever. Boss fights entailed firing rockets until they fall and then running over and ripping something off of their body. Lame, but fun? The pure amount of role switching that goes on is mind boggling, if I had know half of the sh*t they would make you do in this game. Monster truck, RC driver, turret operator, forklift driver, lap dance recipient...............
Graphically, this is where the strange smell is coming from this game. Sh*t. You notice at first that the loading screens are long, long like you could go outside and hotbox a cigarette; then come back and it would finally be ready. The levels are pieced together by band-aids, 10 minutes of action, loading screen. There is usually a part one and then a part two. Not like you entered a wholly different area either, just the back half of the warehouse or something like that. After playing this and then watching the 2001 trailer for the Duke that was going to be released or I say teased, lots of elements really didn't change. Four studios have fingered the hell out of Duke. Sprinkling they own take on the character and keeping old ideas, some that are way past their prime. This would have been groundbreaking for a game that does so many crazy things back in 2001. These graphics look like something that came out early on the XBOX and would have been awesome, then. Sh*tte. by today's standard. Noticeable are the late additions. Like the nipples,...at the strip joint level,...yes, there is a strip joint level.
Speaking of nipples this game has it's lovable quirks. Numerous references to gaming and movie culture. You may have notice the title to the entry? Give up? Starship Troopers. Halo, Valve, Dead Space, Borderlands, Robocop, Inception and the list goes on. Then, Duke with all of his charm and wit speaks the most eloquent language after boot stomping an alien. Priceless. It's the stupidest sh*t in this game that makes you want to like it, but the glaring turd you picked up from out of the toilet can't be overlooked. Bleep-bloop. Achievement earned. The strip joint level was a complete f*cking head scratcher,...why am I here again? You actually have to find a bag of popcorn (and microwave it), a vibrator and a condom. WTF? Again why? Ahhh nipples. Highlight of the level,...you are just passing though to find a body massager and whoa, wait a tic, let me see those up close. Huh!? Excellent detail and I really enjoy them with the pasties off.
It's a hate/meh relationship with Duke, he's is still Duke, the game is a steaming pile of pieced together, nipples, aged, over manipulated, nipples, outdated, confusing, nipples, chauvinist,...fun? I just wanted to experience the title for all the hype and all the hate. It fulfilled it's dooty. 2.11 INUs Fun, with a heaping helping of poop. Well worth the five dollars I spent on it....
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