Tomb Raider, the video game vehicle of the voluptuousness Lara Croft. Wearing nothing but tight shorts, tight shirts and tight gun holsters she quests to find the treasures of the world. Gotta be uncomfortable wearing all that tight clothing you'd think. I hadn't stroked it to Lara's breasts...wait, I mean played Tomb Raider, since Tomb Raider 2 way back in 1997. I had enjoyed that title but had since not had a Playstation to enjoy the other Tomb Raider titles to come out since. Cross-platformed and on the Box I grab her big... wait no NO.
TR2 from memory was fun and interesting romp though the world with more baddie fighting then I liked. Having played Uncharted: Drake's fortune not too long ago this is something that annoyed the hell out of me. The I just busted my ass to hit a switch to open this door and a bunch of thugs, just magically appear on the other side. Underworld was a huge relief to that formula.
The story is something I missed, cause this the second of a series of two. I guess Tomb Raider: Legend was the first. Well your mother slipped into a portal and taken away to Avalon, the viking heaven, and Lara is trying to find a way to retrieve her from Avalon. Right away I am like WTF, I bust on to this boat to find a woman with fucking bat wings!?? Emmmmm, okay? According to the story she is a Atlantian, that was supposedly freed during the last episode. Well she says if I find the artifacts of the legendary god Thor I can open the door to Avalon. It hits the fan and off we go. Two gloves, a belt and a motherfucking hammer of fucking lightning death! AHAHAHAHHH! It's named Mjolnir; did you know that?
The game play is what I think a Tomb Raider should be, a little gun play and a lot of exploration and puzzles. The freaking level is a puzzle which was awesome. You walk in, there is a big idol or something that moves and must line up with Uranus, but you have to find a piece of it to make it work and then a door opens to the second half of the level. Neat. I think I shot a total of 20 people the whole game, but the beasts are a different matter. Bats, spiders, panthers, tigers and things called thralls at the end of the game, basically viking ghosts and thrall trolls are everywhere, isn't how it should be? Everything was fine and good until...dun dun dunnn... the controls reared up and knock the whole experience back a generation.
I'm a making paragraph just for the controls. It's wasn't really the controls as much as the janky camera. You'd whip it around to make a jump and then just as you make the leap, suddenly whips back to it's default position which was never ideal. This plagued the game play throughout the adventure. Which this being Lara-monkey-girl-Croft jumps all over the place during the game. I liked what Uncharted did; you have difficult series of jumps, we will lock the ideal camera here, no worries. Many a "fuck this" moments ensued from this game, but this I remember that this is a staple of the series. OHhh! and Lara still does the Tomb Raider two-step, as I call it, the weird two-step line me up with the switch or jump movement that hasn't change since Tomb Raider! Time to update the controls, boys and girls.
Graphically it's beautiful, lush green jungles, creepy dungeons, overgrown temples, all very cool. Jumping spiders, tigers and panthers hiding in the bush, it was a very detailed and engrossing experience.
The Rating System
1 Inu - This Inu is bad. It eats baby birds out of trees, craps in you shoes, and scares any potential female friends away with its ferocious demeanor.
2 Inu's - This Inu has been taken to obedience training, but failed. The dog tried hard, but just never got any of the tricks right.
3 Inu's - An average lovable Inu, sure its not gonna win any awards, but it is a faithful companion
4 Inu's - This Inu is special, he knows all of his tricks, everyone loves him, and he sits by your side every time you come back from the bar... alone.
5 Inu's - This is Inu is legendary. He is a dog among puppies. One day there will be movies made about how awesome he is.
1 Inu - This Inu is bad. It eats baby birds out of trees, craps in you shoes, and scares any potential female friends away with its ferocious demeanor.
2 Inu's - This Inu has been taken to obedience training, but failed. The dog tried hard, but just never got any of the tricks right.
3 Inu's - An average lovable Inu, sure its not gonna win any awards, but it is a faithful companion
4 Inu's - This Inu is special, he knows all of his tricks, everyone loves him, and he sits by your side every time you come back from the bar... alone.
5 Inu's - This is Inu is legendary. He is a dog among puppies. One day there will be movies made about how awesome he is.
I liked the direction this game took upon itself, it's not about shooting people, it's about allowing the player to be invovled in something bigger than her skin tight, wet , size Cs and hot pants cut just below the butt cheek...shit shit I gotta stop doing that. Bigger than Lara, that's what I meant. Huge level puzzles, lots-o-jumping action and beautiful scenery are what makes this game good. 3.5 Inu's What Tomb Raider should be in my opinion. Fix the camera, then we be cool.
REEEEEBBBBBOOOOOOOOTTT! OMG they are rebooting the series, with a new Lara model and game play. She is suppose to be more vulnerable, with more girl next door features. I overanxiously await the outcome.
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